Email 电邮
进阶Subject + greeting + body + closing。
- 电邮四件套:Subject + Dear 称谓 + 正文 + 结尾署名。
- Subject 一行讲清目的,收件人不用开信都知道你写什么。
- 请求要配目的(为哪个筹款、做什么),不要只说「我想办」。
文体小知识:Formal/informal email.
§课文原文 Passage
1Subject: Second-hand Book Stall at the School Fun Fair Dear Ms Lee, I am writing to seek your approval for our class to run a second-hand book stall at the school fun fair. Our aim is to raise funds for the elderly home we visited last month. I am sure you still remember how much the residents enjoyed our visit. As you know, our class has run similar activities successfully before. This year's fun fair will take place on the fifteenth of December.
2We plan to collect used books from classmates during the first week of next month. We hope to collect at least three hundred books. Four committee members will be responsible for pricing, display and sales. We will sort the books into categories such as novels, comics and textbooks. Any books that remain unsold will be given to a charity, so nothing goes to waste.
3All profits will be donated to the Po Leung Kuk, and a full record of transactions will be kept. We would also be grateful if you could help us book a table near the main entrance. We would also like to invite you to open the stall at 9 a.m. A poster will be put up on the noticeboard two weeks before the event. We will also take photos and share them on the school website afterwards.
4Please let us know if any adjustments are needed. We are happy to meet you during lunch break if it is more convenient. Thank you for considering our proposal. Thank you once again for your kind support and guidance. Yours sincerely, Ivan Cheung, Class 5A
§逐句中文翻译 Sentence-by-sentence translation
Subject: Second-hand Book Stall at the School Fun Fair
主题:学校嘉年华二手书摊位
Dear Ms Lee,
李老师:
I am writing to seek your approval for our class to run a second-hand book stall at the school fun fair.
我写信想征求你批准我们班在学校嘉年华开设一个二手书摊位。
Our aim is to raise funds for the elderly home we visited last month.
目的是为上月探访的老人院筹款。
I am sure you still remember how much the residents enjoyed our visit.
我相信你还记得院友见到我们时有多开心。
As you know, our class has run similar activities successfully before.
你知道,我们班以前成功办过类似活动。
This year's fun fair will take place on the fifteenth of December.
今年的嘉年华会在十二月十五日举行。
We plan to collect used books from classmates during the first week of next month.
我们计划下月第一周向同学收集旧书。
We hope to collect at least three hundred books.
我们希望收到至少三百本书。
Four committee members will be responsible for pricing, display and sales.
四个干事会负责定价、陈列与销售。
We will sort the books into categories such as novels, comics and textbooks.
我们会将这些书按小说、漫画、教科书等分类。
Any books that remain unsold will be given to a charity, so nothing goes to waste.
没有卖出的书会捐给慈善机构,不会浪费。
All profits will be donated to the Po Leung Kuk, and a full record of transactions will be kept.
所有收益会捐给保良局,并备存完整交易纪录。
We would also be grateful if you could help us book a table near the main entrance.
如果你可以帮我们预订大门口附近的桌子,我们就更加感激。
We would also like to invite you to open the stall at 9 a.m.
我们还想邀请你在早上九点为摊位开幕。
A poster will be put up on the noticeboard two weeks before the event.
活动前两星期会在告示板贴海报。
We will also take photos and share them on the school website afterwards.
活动后我们还会拍照放上学校网站分享。
Please let us know if any adjustments are needed.
如有任何需要调整的地方,请让我们知道。
We are happy to meet you during lunch break if it is more convenient.
如果方便,我们很乐意在午饭时间与你见面。
Thank you for considering our proposal.
感谢你考虑我们的建议。
Thank you once again for your kind support and guidance.
再次感谢你一直的支持与指导。
Yours sincerely, Ivan Cheung, Class 5A
5A 班张伟文敬上
1重点摘要 Summary
Subject + greeting + body + closing。
2生字卡 Vocabulary
电邮。
标题。
问候。
主体。
结尾。
附件。
转寄。
回复。
3逐步讲解 Steps
- 标题电邮 Subject 行的考点是一行讲清目的。方法是用名词短语概括事项。以范文为例:Second-hand Book Stall at the School Fun Fair,收件人未开信已知道内容主题。易错之处是学生留空主旨,或只写 Question 一类含糊字眼;正式电邮的主旨是格式分与实用分的交汇,让对方在收件匣一眼分清轻重缓急,这既是礼貌也是效率,写作前应先拟好主旨再展开正文,主旨定了,全文便有了一条主轴。
- 问候问候语的考点是与结尾语配套。方法按姓名认知分两路:知道姓名用 Dear Ms Lee,结尾配 Yours sincerely;不知道姓名用 Dear Sir or Madam,结尾配 Yours faithfully。以范文为例,Ivan 认得老师姓名,全信以 Dear Ms Lee 开头。易错之处有二:正式电邮误用 Hi 甚至加 emoji;结尾语与开头不配套。两组搭配须当作一套记忆,拆开使用即属格式错误,这是电邮题最稳定的送分位,也是最容易的失分位。
- 主体电邮主体的考点是分段简洁、一段一事。方法是按请求、目的、计划的次序分段。以范文为例:首段提出申请摊位,目的为上月探访的老人院筹款;随后段落交代下月第一周收书、目标三百本、四名干事分工负责定价、分类与摆卖。易错之处是学生把所有资讯塞进一段,或段落之间重复;收件人时间有限,每段开首一句点明主题,对方扫一眼便能掌握全貌,分段清晰本身就是效率的表现。
- 结尾电邮结尾的考点是明确下一步与完整署名。方法以请求回复的句子收尾,加上致谢与署名。以范文为例:Please let us know if any adjustments are needed,接着 Thank you for considering our proposal,最后 Yours sincerely, Ivan Cheung, Class 5A,姓名班别齐全。易错之处是学生结尾突兀,读完计划便直接署名;告诉对方下一步与致谢,是正式书信的收尾礼仪,亦显示合作的诚意,署名须写全名与班别。
- 预答疑虑预先解答对方疑虑是电邮的高阶技巧,考点是站在审批者角度思考。方法是列出对方可能反对的理由,逐一在信中化解。以范文为例:卖不出的书捐给慈善机构,nothing goes to waste;收入全数捐给保良局;所有交易备有纪录,诚信与秩序的疑虑一次过消除。易错之处是学生只讲自己的计划,不替对方着想;老师审批时最关心风险,先答风险的信最易获批,这是说服力的关键设计,亦是范文最值得学习的一步。
- 附加请求附加请求的考点是谦逊的措辞。方法是以问题形式提出,给对方选择空间。以范文为例:能否协助预订摊位桌子、邀请老师早上九时主持开摊、提议午饭时间见面商量,三项皆是商量口吻而非命令。易错之处是学生以 I want you to... 直接指使对方;正式电邮中每段只放一个小请求,并用 could 与 would 开头,姿态谦和反而更易如愿,这是电邮礼仪的核心,请求的姿态往往决定对方的回应意愿。
- 跟进计划交代跟进计划能令对方放心批准,考点是展示事前准备与事后交代。方法是写明宣传与汇报安排。以范文为例:活动两星期前在布告板张贴海报,活动后把相片放上学校网站,整个活动有宣传、有交带。易错之处是学生只谈活动本身,审批者看不到后续安排便担心失控;跟进计划令建议显得成熟可靠,是申请类电邮常被忽略的加分位,审批者要的不只是好主意,更是可落实、可监察的计划。
5例题示范 Example
范文是 5A 班 Ivan 向 Ms Lee 申请在学校嘉年华办二手书摊位的电邮。拆解 Subject、请求方式,和怎样令老师放心批准。
- 第一步:Subject 一行讲清目的:「Second-hand Book Stall at the School Fun Fair」——收件人不用开信都知道主题。
- 第二步:开段讲清请求和目的:申请摊位、为上个月探访的老人院筹款,还提示对方记得探访——建立关系。
- 第三步:计划具体:下月第一周收书、目标三百本、四名干事负责定价、分类、摆卖。
- 第四步:预先解答疑虑:卖不出的书捐慈善机构、收入全数捐保良局、所有交易有纪录——诚信透明。
- 第五步:提出两个小请求(订桌、邀请开摊),还说可以 lunch break 见面调整——姿态谦逊。
- 答案:这封正式电邮示范怎样写到令对方乐意讲 yes。Subject「Second-hand Book Stall at the School Fun Fair」一目了然。首段讲请求和目的——为探访过的老人院筹款,还唤起 Ms Lee 对探访的记忆。计划具体:第一周收书、目标三百本、四名干事分工、书籍分类。最出色是预先解答老师疑虑:卖剩的书捐慈善机构、利润全数捐保良局、交易有完整纪录——诚信一次过过关。尾段提出订桌和邀请开摊两个小请求,还主动说可以午饭时间见面商量。因为知道对方姓名(Dear Ms Lee),所以用 Yours sincerely 收结。
6常见错误 Mistakes
76 题快测 Quick check
Q1电邮格式?
Q2标题?
Q3正式问候?
Q4非正式问候?
Q5正式结尾?
Q6非正式结尾?
8重点回顾 Recap
- 电邮四件套:Subject + Dear 称谓 + 正文 + 结尾署名。
- Subject 一行讲清目的,收件人不用开信都知道你写什么。
- 请求要配目的(为哪个筹款、做什么),不要只说「我想办」。
- 预先解答对方疑虑(钱去向、剩货处理、有没有纪录)最加分。
- 知姓名用 Dear Ms Lee + Yours sincerely;不知道才用 Dear Sir/Madam。